when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
