Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
