The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
