she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just want nice things and good sex
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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