? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
