yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Did I show you my penis last night?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
