I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
