Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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