We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
