remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
