the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
