I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
