We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
