Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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