Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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