everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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