So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
