That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
