dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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