This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
