I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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