Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
