at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
