sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
And then he peed in my hair
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