My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
