New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
