if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
