So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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