You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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