Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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