I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
