Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
