i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
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i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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