It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
