I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
