The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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