I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
