She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Terrible idea I love it
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
