Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
