Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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