My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
