be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
