Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
