he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
