So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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