He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
