Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
