who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
