That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
