My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
