I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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