You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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