I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
