hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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