Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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