Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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