wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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