Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
