Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Found your dick twin last night
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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