My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
