I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
