When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low