i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I forgot wine drunk hurts