i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
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I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.