I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
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You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
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When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.