I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND