eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
