dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
