You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
