My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
