All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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