perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
