she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
