In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
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Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
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You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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