So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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