my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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