Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize