capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
