Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
