take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
