I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
