who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
