whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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