forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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