what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
