Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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