i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
