youre lurking in front of me
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
