you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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