i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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